Tanks But No Tanks

Also known as: N/A

Developer: ZiMAG

An easy way to make me go to a restaurant that I've never seen before is for that restaurant to have a pun in the name. Whether it be clever like "Kung Food" or just amusingly dumb like "Shiver Me Tenders," if you put a pun in the name of your restaurant, I will show up if I find myself in the area. To a degree, I suppose the same can be said about video games because as soon as I saw Tanks But No Tanks, I immediately felt like I had to play it. Despite the light-hearted pun name, though, Tanks But No Tanks has a fairly dark story behind it. According to the manual, and the back of the box, is seems like every outpost for human civilization has been destroyed except for one…and your job is to defend that last outpost from an army of phantom tanks that disappear and reappear, destroying everything in their path. The catch is that there's a maze that the phantom tanks need to navigate to get to your base…and, as a result, a maze that you need to navigate if you plan to get the jump on the enemy tanks before they overwhelm you. The key to survival in this game is to find a nice balance between offense and defense. If you're purely offensive, enemy tanks will slip by and destroy your base. If you're purely defensive, it'll be hard to pick every single tank off as they approach the base. You can also sacrifice yourself as a last-ditch effort - ramming your tank into an enemy tank destroys both tanks, but nets you double points. Ultimately, though, while this sounds like a promising concept, the execution isn't that great. The gameplay generally doesn't feel very fun and the controls never really feel smooth, either…it's not an awful game, but I also can't really say that it's a passable one, either. It turns out that the title of the game is what most people will respond with when asked if they'd like to play this game a second time.

Review added: 04/24/2026

Tapper

Also known as: N/A

Developer: Bally Midway

When it came to the Atari 2600, there weren’t very many arcade games of the time where the gameplay could be transferred to console without it feeling like it was dumbed down, and in turn, making it feel like a bit of a let down. Tapper is one of the few games that, while it’s not nearly as pretty as what you’d see in the arcade, the gameplay is just as fun. For those of you who haven’t played Tapper before, here’s the gist of it. In this game, you play as a bartender. Your goal is to toss mugs of beer down the countertops on screen to the customers lining up. If the customers reach you, you lose a life. If you throw an extra mug and it crashes to the ground, you lose a life. It’s very simple, but in later levels it can get very frantic and very fun. Tapper isn’t a game that you’ll spend hours upon hours playing, but its straightforward gameplay and increasing difficulty can result in Tapper being a go-to game for Atari 2600 owners when they want to kill five to ten minutes.

Review added: 07/29/2020

Taz

Also known as: Asterix (Europe)

Developer: Atari

I want to like Taz, but it's just too repetitive and boring of a game for me to really enjoy it too much. The goal in this game is simple - controlling Taz, who is constantly in his spinning tornado form, you move around various levels on a single screen with the goal of collecting various food items, like hamburgers or root beer floats, while simultaneously dodging and avoiding dynamite. Both the food and the dynamite scroll left and right on the screen on each level, so essentially, you can simply sit in one spot of the screen and only move when dynamite starts scrolling your way. Even if you decide to be aggressive to get a high score more quickly, the game simply feels like you're just doing the same thing over and over and over….kinda like how Taz is just spinning over and over and over in this game. In Europe, this is actually an Asterix gam…but regardless of if you play Taz or Asterix, the game plays the same, and gets old just as quickly either way.

Review added: 03/03/2022

Tennis

Also known as: N/A

Developer: Activision

Activision's take on Tennis is a decent one, and it's a step up from Atari's popular Pong. Instead of simply controlling paddles on each side of the screen and bouncing a ball back and forth between them for points, Tennis actually has a net and players on screen, and it follows the standard scoring rules of the sport. That said, the way that you control the ball is still pretty similar to Pong. If you attempt to hit the center of the ball with your racket, the ball will move straight forward. If you hit the ball with the edges of your racket, you'll be able to send it flying in a different direction. This is the key to winning in Tennis, whether it be against the computer or against a friend. One you've got a handle on how to hit the ball the way you want, you'll be able to fool your opponent by making it look like you'll be hitting the ball in one direction, then changing it up and sending the ball sharply flying in the opposite direction with little chance for them to be able to volley it back your way. While it seems daunting to try to master this, Activision included two game modes with slower speed for new users to practice and learn to time and position their swings properly. A game or two at slow speed, and most folks will likely be able to play the game at full speed like a pro. The game plays smoothly and it's pretty fun to play both against the computer and against friends…but a lack of variety hurts it a little bit, in my opinion. Even if the options were just different surfaces where the ball reacted differently on, that might add a little more replay value to this game. But, for what it is, it's a decent experience that's fun to pop in every now and then to kill a few minutes…I just can't imagine that too many people would love Tennis…pun intended.

Review added: 04/23/2026

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Also known as: N/A

Developer: VSS

Halloween, despite not being a masterpiece, is one of my guilty pleasures on the Atari 2600. The other game that Wizard Video published was another horror-themed title, but I don’t feel it’s quite up to the same quality. Unlike in Halloween, where you’re fleeing from Michael Myers, in Texas Chainsaw Massacre you’re playing as Leatherface and everyone on the screen is fleeing from you. It’s your goal to murder as many people as possible with your chainsaw that looks like a rotating key. The game can be mildly fun as you have a limited amount of fuel for your chainsaw – you run out and you’ll get kicked in the rear and it’s game over. Even if the chainsaw is simply sitting idle, fuel is being used, and if you happen to run into any obstacles, and you will (if your toes touch a wheelchair, it counts as running into it) you’ve gotta chainsaw your way through the obstacle to continue stalking your victims. On a comical note, Wizard Video put in a high-pitched tone when your victims appear on the screen, which I’m pretty sure is to emulate them screaming in terror. Anyway, despite the controversial goal in the game, it’s the Atari 2600 – there’s nothing really gruesome about anything that you see. For what it is, Texas Chainsaw Massacre can be mildly fun, but it’s still not all that great.

Review added: 10/25/2019

Title Match Pro Wrestling

Also known as: N/A

Developer: Imagineering Inc.

I think the best way to describe Title Match Pro Wrestling is that it's basically a thumb-wrestling match in video form. It is extremely basic, but when playing with a friend it can actually be kind of fun - kind of like thumb wrestling. Like the concept of thumb wrestling, Title Match Pro Wrestling is very basic, not deep at all, but can be enjoyable for a few minutes when playing with a someone to trade smack talk with. Had this game released early on in the Atari VCS lifecycle, I probably would be giving it a more favorable score…But this was released in 1987, and there were already a few good wrestling games on the market at that point…and nearly all of them were superior. So this game didn't make much of a splash, but had it been released in the late 70's when the Atari launched, or even in the early 80’s before the ol’ video game crash happened, it may have gained some popularity. Either way, if you love wrestling games, Title Match Pro Wrestling is worth a shot if you've got a friend around to play with...But even then, you might get bored after a few bouts.

Review added: 09/28/2019

Tooth Protectors

Also known as: N/A

Developer: Diversified Software Development

When the Atari 2600 was at its peak, everyone wanted representation in video game form. Soft drinks, dog food, and in this case, dental products. Johnson & Johnson had this game released for Atari's original console (available exclusively through mail order)…and surprisingly enough, it's really not bad at all. Actually, it's pretty good. Combining the gameplay of games like Breakout and Space Invaders, the end result is a game that will almost definitely have you playing much longer than you anticipated. Basically, there's a plaque monster floating up at the top of the screen, shooting down stuff to cause tooth decay at the teeth below. Your job is to move back and forth across the teeth and fire that tooth decay stuff back at the monster sending it down. If you're right underneath and stay still, it gets fired straight back up. If you move as you deflect it, then you send it diagonally off to the side, in hopes that it ricochets off a wall and hits the monster. And if you fail to deflect it? Well, then you'll be protecting a mouth that looks like it belongs to an old man named Cletus. Anyway, if you want a solid mix of two popular, early gameplay styles, then this game is a dental delight that you'll likely find plenty of enjoyment in.

Review added: 05/10/2022